update to yesterday

I’m feeling less ashamed because I spent time working on my 4th step during Maggie’s birthday party. I realized (re-realized?) a few things about myself:

  • when I’m feeling lousy, for whatever reason, I focus on somebody else–usually Sean, since he’s the most readily available 😉
  • if I’m going to learn how to truly love someone–anyone–I need to *not* inflict them with guilt. that’s something I always vowed I wouldn’t do because I didn’t like the way it felt when I was growing up. so, no more guilt.
  • if I don’t need to make others feeling guilty, I also don’t need to make myself feel guilty. it’s a package deal. being nice to others + being nice to myself = not making anyone, including *me* feel guilty.
  • as I move toward treating everyone (me too) with more love and respect, I need to expect everyone (also me) to make mistakes. we are not perfect, none of us. so forgiving mistakes is very important.
  • first step in this particular process is letting myself feel okay about not going to church
  • second step is to feel okay about the rest of the family not going to church
  • third step is to feel okay about jumping into the whole church thing too eagerly; maybe it was a mistake, but I learned a lot about myself and other people through the experience. so, maybe it wasn’t a mistake after all.

And that brings me to the 4th step, but that’s back to where I started this post. In the big picture, I’ve finished this workbook (Blueprint for Progress) and I’m ready to finish my fourth step. Yay for me!

About BJ

living the dream in northern Utah
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