I’m feeling less ashamed because I spent time working on my 4th step during Maggie’s birthday party. I realized (re-realized?) a few things about myself:

• when I’m feeling lousy, for whatever reason, I focus on somebody else–usually Sean, since he’s the most readily available 😉
• if I’m going to learn how to truly love someone–anyone–I need to *not* inflict them with guilt. that’s something I always vowed I wouldn’t do because I didn’t like the way it felt when I was growing up. so, no more guilt.
• if I don’t need to make others feeling guilty, I also don’t need to make myself feel guilty. it’s a package deal. being nice to others + being nice to myself = not making anyone, including *me* feel guilty.
• as I move toward treating everyone (me too) with more love and respect, I need to expect everyone (also me) to make mistakes. we are not perfect, none of us. so forgiving mistakes is very important.
• first step in this particular process is letting myself feel okay about not going to church
• second step is to feel okay about the rest of the family not going to church
• third step is to feel okay about jumping into the whole church thing too eagerly; maybe it was a mistake, but I learned a lot about myself and other people through the experience. so, maybe it wasn’t a mistake after all.

And that brings me to the 4th step, but that’s back to where I started this post. In the big picture, I’ve finished this workbook (Blueprint for Progress) and I’m ready to finish my fourth step. Yay for me!