BJ's Blog

It’s been almost 8 months since I’ve written a blog post. We had just the made the switch to daylight savings time (3/9); yesterday, we switched back to standard time (11/2). Serendipity. Here is my personal calendar dump.

March

1. Fetched Maggie from the ER after she shattered her elbow (3/10)
2. Visited the ER w/ Maggie twice more for elbow pain and abdominal pain (no record of the exact dates)
3. Accompanied Maggie to surgery (3/14)
4. Consulted w/ Top Tier Remodeling & Design (3/13 & 3/18)
5. Met w/ Bekki Hood (3/28)

April

1. Began physical therapy for my leg pain (hamstring tendinopathy) (4/3)
2. Delivered The Last Lecture, “Life’s Rich Pageant” @ WSU (4/4)
3. Celebrated Dave’s birthday w/ Maggie @ Table 25 (4/5)
4. Met w/ my memoir chat group (4/17)
5. Ate dinner @ Tona and attended the Utah Symphony w/ Dave (4/17)
6. Attended Salt Lake Film Society’s “Dr. Strangelove” w/ Jake & Maggie (4/19)
7. Taught my last class (4/14)
8. Got a haircut before graduation (4/26)

May

1. Took Charlie to vet (5/1)
2. Euthanized Charlie (5/5) 😦
3. Saw Cory Ferguson about my vertigo (5/6)
4. Ate dinner @ Tona w/ Dave (5/8)
5. Enjoyed a massage w/ Angie (5/9)
6. Traveled to Kauai w/ Jake (5/12-5/18)
7. Finished physical therapy (5/21)
8. Gathered w/ the Gestelands for Memorial Day brunch (5/25)
9. Traveled to Washington w/ Dave (5/27)

June

1. Returned from Washington (6/5)
2. Met Brenda Schussman for coffee @ Kaffe Mercantile (6/13)
3. Gathered w/ the Gestelands for Father’s Day brunch @ Per & Cher’s (6/15)
4. Talked w/ Michelle Buxton of Albion Financial (6/17)
5. Met Maggie for coffee @ Cuppa (6/17)
6. Had coffee w/ Christie, Mark & Dave @ Kaffe Mercantile (6/24)
7. Met w/ Bekki Hood (6/27)
8. Enjoyed a massage w/ Angie (6/28)
9. Met w/ writing group (6/29)

July

1. Consulted w/ Top Tier (7/1)
2. Ate dinner w/ Dave @ Table 25 (7/1)
3. Traveled to Sun Valley w/ the Gestelands (7/3-7/7)
4. Packed up the house (all month)
5. Got a haircut (7/12)
6. Hiked to Dog Lake w/ Jen & Denny (7/14)
7. Met Yulia for coffee @ Kaffe Mercantile (7/15)
8. Met w/ Bekki Hood (7/17)
9. Visited w/ K (7/25)
10. Gathered w/ the Gestelands for Finn & Eli’s visit (7/27)
11. Took plants to campus (7/28)
12. Talked w/ Michelle Buxton of Albion Financial (7/30)
13. Met w/ Bekki Hood (7/31)

August

1. Enjoyed a massage w/ Angie (8/1)
2. Traveled to Ivins w/ Eunice (8/3)
3. Gathered w/ the Gestelands on Zoom (8/10)
4. Attended the “Wild and Precious Life Series” w/ poets Laura Stott & Sunni Wilkinson (8/13)
5. Ate dinner w/ Dave @ Xetava (8/14)
6. Attended Hippocamp’s “An Evening With the Editors 2025: A Lit Mag & Small Press Roundtable (8/17)
7. Met w/ memoir chat group (8/18)
8. Met Elizabeth for coffee @ Table of Contents in Mesquite (8/21)
9. Attended “Lunchtime Write-In” @ Project Write Now (8/22)
10. Gathered w/ siblings on Zoom (8/24)
11. Attended “Lunchtime Write-In” @ Project Write Now (8/29)

September

1. Attended “Lunchtime Write-In” @ Project Write Now (9/5)
2. Gathered w/ siblings on Zoom (9/7)
3. Attended “Hybrid Memoir: The Fine Art of Flexible Storytelling” webinar (9/10)
4. Traveled to Ogden w/ Eunice (9/13)
5. Walked through the house w/ Top Tier (9/18)
6. Ate dinner @ UTOG and attended the Utah Symphony w/ Dave (9/18)
7. Met K for swimming @ WSU & coffee @ Kaffe Mercantile (9/19)
8. Enjoyed a massage w/ Angie (9/19)
9. Reviewed mom & dad’s financials w/ Chris (9/21)
10. Saw Lance Bailey for my annual dental exam (9/22)
11. Celebrated my birthday w/ Dave, Jake & Maggie @ Tona (9/23)
12. Ate lunch w/ mom, dad & Dave @ Délice French Bakery & Café (9/24)
13. Picked up plants from campus (9/26)
14. Met w/ writing group (9/28)
15. Gathered w/ the Gestelands on Zoom (9/28)

October

1. Consulted w/ Wilson Underkuffler re: listing the house (10/1)
2. Consulted w/ Kandus Sewell re: painting kitchen, etc. (10/2)
3. Enjoyed a pedicure @ CT Nails (10/8)
4. Consulted w/ Arbor Pro re: trimming trees & removing elm (10/8)
5. Talked w/ Michelle Buxton of Albion Financial (10/9)
6. Traveled to Madison w/ mom & dad (10/11-10/18)
7. Saw Cory Fergson for my knee pain (lateral meniscus tear); received flu & COVID vaccines (10/20)
8. Talked w/ Michelle Buxton of Albion Financial (10/24)
9. Enjoyed a massage w/ Angie (10/24)
10. Gathered w/ siblings on Zoom (10/25)
11. Consulted w/ Laurie Van Zandt re: landscaping (10/27)
12. Fetched Maggie from the ER after she crashed her car (10/27)
13. Took Maggie to pick up her stuff from Ogden Auto Towing (10/28)
14. Drove Maggie to SLCC; curated journal list @ Sugar House Coffee; walked in Wasatch Hollow Preserve (10/29)
15. Walked through house w/ Josh from Top Tier (10/30)

November

1. Talked w/ David Bunker re: mortgage for Portland (11/1)
2. Drove Maggie to SLC to pick up the Gs’ Prius (11/3)
3. Wrote blog post @ Kaffe Mercantile (11/3)

Lots to process: Maggie’s accidents (the serendipitous bookends for this blog post); the conclusion to my teaching career and the end of my term as chair; the death of Charlie (much more to say when I have the emotional energy); a redemption trip to Hawai’i with Jake (this time I was the one vomiting); our scouting expedition to the Puget Sound area and a whale-watching trip from Anacortes; my ongoing health issues (knee and leg pain, IBS, vertigo, missed SSRI doses); our 6-week sojourn in Kayenta and traveling with Eunice; the trip to Wisconsin w/ mom, dad & Katy; many, many meetings with our financial advisor, real estate agent, loan officer, re-modeler, painter, etc.; infrequent bouts of writing; too few appointments with my therapist (I miss her!); farewell to the Dennistons 😦

Tomorrow we go to Portland.

1. Attended a memorial service for Chuck Smith (Saturday)
2. Practiced yoga (Sunday)
3. Wrote morning pages (Monday)
4. Fasted for 7 hours (Monday)
5. Had my teeth cleaned and got my permanent crown (Monday)
6. Met with my therapist (Monday)
7. Consulted with our home re-modelers, Top Tier (Monday)
8. Took the cats to the vet for their annual checkups and shots (Tuesday)
9. Scheduled an appointment with my gynecologist (Tuesday)
10. Interviewed a graduate instructor applicant (Tuesday)
11. Wrote morning pages (Wednesday)
12. Fasted for 7 hours (Wednesday)
13. Skied at Snowbasin (Wednesday)
14. Ate dinner at Tona with Dave (Wednesday)
15. Visited with Maggie (Thursday)
16. Practiced yoga (Thursday)
17. Wrote morning pages (Friday)
18. Filed our income taxes (Friday)
19. Prepped for next week’s classes (Friday)
20. Fasted for 7 hours (Saturday)
21. Practiced yoga (Saturday)
22. Had a 90-minute massage with Angie at Mindful Women Day Spa (Saturday)
23. Talked to my parents (Saturday)
24. Reset the clocks for daylight savings time (Saturday)
25. Read this fascinating article: From the gut | VQR (Sunday)
26. Walked along the Shoreline Trail (Sunday)
27. Began and finished reading Jar City
28. Finished reading The Sum of Her Parts
29. Read the winter issue of Orion
30. Read the March/April issue of Poets & Writers
31. Responded to work emails (most days)
32. Slept in (most mornings)
33. Snuggled with cats (most days)
34. Took Lomotil (most days)
35. Watched “Bones” (most evenings)

Although I’ve stopped looking at residency opportunities.

Although I barely read the journals and magazines I subscribe to.

Although I seldom write morning pages anymore.

Although I still have months of pages to sift for essay ideas.

Although Pinch declined my essay in July with a generic response.

Although I haven’t written a new essay since August–a lazy compilation of bits about Eunice.

Although I choose to feel rejected.

Although “a scarf for another season” is under review by only two journals.

Although I stopped submitting essays in December.

Although the editors of Pinch did not send me a generic response.

I have nothing new to submit.

For the past two years, I’ve written about my reluctance to make resolutions: new year, new you (2024) and resolutions (2023). This year, I decided to focus on books instead.

During the fuzzy days between Christmas and New Year’s, I read two books about winter: Christiane Ritter’s A Woman in the Polar Night and Katherine May’s Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times. Both offered me perspectives that I seemed to need.

The first documents an intense experience in the Arctic winter of 1933-1934: Ritter joins her husband for his annual hunt on Spitsbergen, now Svalbard. I wondered how I hadn’t heard of the book before now. Its focus on one season (the Polar winter) reminded me of Mabel Dodge Luhan’s Winter in Taos, which I read for my dissertation–30 years ago?!–and would love to reread. Perhaps next winter break, when I’ll be on a permanent break from school and work.

The second ruminates on the concept of wintering: resting and retreating in order to rejuvenate for the spring, summer, fall. I purchased then gave the book to a friend in the midst of the pandemic; I found it again through a quote shared by a colleague on Instagram. In my Kindle edition, I highlighted a quote from the “Cold Water” chapter. After battling a chronic illness, a friend of May’s shares her doctor’s advice: ‘”This isn’t about getting you fixed,” he said. “This is about you living the best life you can with the parameters you have.”‘ I found this a helpful view on my own struggles with IBS. But every chapter, every event felt relatable. I could highlight so many sections! The book may become a seasonal reread. Meanwhile, I’ve added May’s Enchantment: Awakening Wonder in an Anxious Age to my “to read” pile.

Before Christmas, I finished the bizarre yet captivating The Mourner’s Bestiary, by Eiren Caffall. I wasn’t sure about the book at first, but as she moved back and forth between the Long Island Sound and the Gulf of Maine and traverses key moments in her life, I became fascinated with Caffall’s unique combination of environmentalism and memoir. She weaves together her family’s medical history–many relatives dying of a genetic and typically fatal disease–and the natural history of the marine environment–its precarity in the face of climate change and human impact. I like the narrative structure, if not all of the analogies, and have sent a copy to Jen, whose father Chuck Smith died on December 23. Something about Caffall’s experiences with grief, illness, and the wild reminded me of Jen. I hope she doesn’t find the book too weird.

I know I said no resolutions; however, I ordered two swimming suits from Land’s End as a Christmas gift to myself. I resolve to swim again. I’m hopeful that retirement will give me the space and time to reclaim my body. Cheers to the new year!

[sent the day before Thanksgiving]

Hello!

I hope this email finds you on the cusp of a joy-filled holiday with family and friends.

The last several weeks have been stressful. We’ve experienced–and will continue to experience–academic, economic, and political upheaval. I apologize if I’ve contributed to your anxieties about the future of the department. That said, I firmly believe that we can manage these challenges, especially if we work together (cheesy but true!)

What I am grateful for and optimistic about

• our faculty – who bring energy and enthusiasm to our classroom, committee, and department meetings
• our students – who remind us why education matters and why our work remains invaluable
• our staff – who advise, budget, greet, market, schedule, and do all of the essential things for our department, college, and university

Here’s wishing you a well-deserved reprieve from the onslaught of email–for at least a few days 🙂

Thanks for all you do for our students, each other, and the broader community.

Take care,

Becky Jo

Although I’ve read many books written by Indigenous authors, this month I plan to read a few popular texts by contemporary Native American writers. There is much I don’t know about our country’s history with Indigenous peoples.

1. Louise Erdrich, The Night Watchman
   The first Erdrich book I read was Love Medicine, published 40 years ago. I haven’t read nearly enough of her writing since then. This novel has been on my “to read” shelf for too long.
2. Robin Wall Kimmerer, Braiding Sweetgrass
   People have been asking me if I’ve read this book since it was published in 2013. A friend gave me a copy for Christmas last year. It’s time.
3. Tatty Morgan, Fire Exit
   I can’t remember when or where I heard about Morgan’s book; however, once I learned it takes place in Maine, I vowed to read it. His Night of the Living Rez looks intriguing also.

If I had more time, I would re-read Leslie Marmon Silko’s Almanac of the Dead, but it will have to wait until I retire 🙂

I celebrated my 62nd birthday on Monday. I took the day off: didn’t check my work email, read Abigail Thomas’ Safekeeping, practiced yoga, and had a deep-tissue massage. Then, on Thursday, I submitted my application for early retirement. June 30, 2025, will be my last day at Weber State University. Twenty-five years. While I planned to wait until I turned 65, and thus complete my three-year term as chair, the last three months have been tough emotionally and physically. Two root canals and recurring abscess; trigger finger injection and ganglion cyst removal; colonoscopy and ongoing IBS, despite the addition of Colestipol. Then there’s the relentless administrative work: dealing with the impacts of anti-DEI legislation; fielding complaints from faculty, staff and students; managing requests for placement overrides; and handling the multiple issues related to record-setting numbers of international students. Within the next two months, there will be teaching observations, peer review letters, assessment reports, and articulation agreements with SLCC. I can do the job. But at what cost? I want to enjoy life a bit before I die. I’d like to move away from Ogden, from Utah, and spend the next few years–hopefully more–with Dave in a place we choose together. Not a place we both kind of happened upon. Our own place. Happy birthday to me!

when I get down, I get up

I’ve submitted my essay, “Becoming enough,” to 41 journals and have received 31 rejections (or “we decline to publish” notices) so far. When do I concede defeat? After 35 rejections, I finally gave up on “a rip in the fabric.” It’s since found a home as part of Blank Pages on the Brevity Blog. Perhaps that’s the best course of action for this essay–fold it into something else, something longer. I certainly have plenty of material on being or not being enough. Why not find all of it and mash into some kind of essay?

But sometimes it just takes awhile. In 2014, Debra Monroe told us that the average was 25 submissions: submit to 25 journals and 1 will accept it. Is that still the average? Maybe 31 is the new average, and I simply need to wait. And wait. And wait some more. I could wait until I hit the 2-year mark for the first submission…something I may do with my chapbook, “Unraveling,” which now has 17 rejections. November 11, 2022, marks the first round of submissions. I’ve now spent $292 on contest and submission fees. That’s a lot. Two journals have had the chapbook since 11/11/22. The other four are more recent (2024). Fjords Review declined to publish but mentioned that it had reached the final round. And 8th & Atlas declined but published a portion of it online (see Normal). So I guess the process hasn’t been a total bust. I just need to be patient.

My question remains: how many rejections is too many? Fifty sounds like a sufficient maximum. Beyond that, the quest to publish seems futile. If anyone is out there reading this blog, what do you think? How many is too many?

My short-short essay is up on MicroLit Almanac: Educated