That was my intention for yesterday’s yoga practice. I haven’t been to a yoga class since the end of January 😦 and I’ve really missed it. My elbow did okay, though I need to be sure I bend it slightly, don’t lock it up. Anyway, I was filled with joy after the practice but then experienced an afternoon of what I can only call RAGE. Everything made me angry. And everyone around me seemed angry. So was it something in the atmosphere? Something I was imparting to everyone around me? I remembered something Kathi Needham, my yoga instructor, once said about yoga: it brings up all kinds of emotions. Sometimes you’ll feel happy, sometimes sad, sometimes angry, etc. I haven’t felt rage in a long time; I’ve mostly felt serene (thank god, my higher power, or whoever it is that guides my existence). So perhaps I was due for a good round of rage–the scary hormonal kind, where a spilled glass of water can send you into a fury. I stopped short of throwing things, but you get the idea. Now the storm has passed. Everyone seems at peace this morning, including me. Strange how I ride the sea, thinking I’ve gotten into a kind of rhythm, then “bam,” a big wave hits me and I’m suddenly buffeted about until another stretch of calm water comes along. I’m never ready for it. But can I get better at recognizing that I’m in a swell? Learn to ride whatever comes my way?

I watched “Bright Star” yesterday morning…it’s good. Everyone died of TB back then. The movie made me realize how much people had to live for the moment. John Keats’ life was so short yet it was incredibly intense. Reminded me of the intensity of adolescence–when every day was filled with meaning and every emotion seemed cause for poetry. The agony and ecstasy of existence. Sigh.