it’s about me

Not them: the ambitious people around me who apply for jobs that I aspire to but don’t feel I’m ready to apply for because I want more experience, more confidence. They have less experience than me but more confidence. And so what if they’re more ambitious than me? Why does it bother me?

Lesson from HERS: women apply for jobs when they feel they possess ~90% of the skills required to perform the job; men apply when they possess ~50%. This rankles me and yet I can’t overcome my tentativeness. I lack the cockiness to put myself out there for something I don’t yet feel qualified for. I suffer from imposter syndrome.

And then I wonder whether or not I really want these other jobs anyway. Don’t I want more time to write, more time to ponder the world around me? Yes, but then I read The Women of Hollywood Speak Out and remember how few women are chairs, deans, and VPs: maybe 1 in 5? And yet my male colleague feels picked on. And then I remember why I’m angry. And then I’m back to where I started. Is it about me, really? Some of it is about them too.

About BJ

living the dream in northern Utah
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