I signed up for an essay writing webinar with Medium, called “How to Write an Essay Everyone Wants to Read: 5 Steps to Craft Meaningful Personal Narratives.” Of course I have no essays in progress, no drafts of anything I want anyone to read, no ideas whatsoever. And yet, I continue to think that if I just had the right nudge I might break through this block and start writing again.

Meanwhile, I’ve thought about various words:

languishing – especially my ex-mother-in-law’s existence after my ex-father-in-law’s death two years ago

controlling – particularly my own experience trying to control others and my spouse’s attempts to control my behavior

letting go – the flip side of controlling; recognizing when to stop trying so hard, beating myself up for not living up to my expectations, living in an “if-then” abstraction, hoping for change in myself and others, staying in the moment.

I seem to either admire or fear the tough ones. But I’m wondering if their toughness hides a lot of pain.

Update: I took the first webinar but canceled the other two. And I did not submit any writing.