summer’s arrived

And it’s hot. Time to get all of the outdoor activities done early. Sigh. But it’s not a bad thing for keeping me indoors–or at least on the patio–reading and grading.

For some reason I’m wracked with feelings of indecision and dread. What do they mean? Yesterday, I thought they meant that I needed to pay closer attention to my daughter’s health: I’d gone off to yoga and left her huddled under 3 blankets in the basement watching a movie with Jake. She’d seemed hungry and thirsty after tennis so I imagined that she just needed re-charging. When I came home she was asleep, which wasn’t too strange–she’s been getting up early this week and Maggie needs more sleep than Jake–so I let her sleep. However, when she woke up I discovered that she had a fever (102) and panicked. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve taken her to the doctor, just since January, and she’s been sick so much: scarlet fever, strep, mono, and now this fever. So I hauled her off to the doctor, called my brother the pediatrician, and my mom the pediatric nurse practitioner. Everyone reassured me that she just had a virus and that it would run its course. Still, I worry about her poor depressed immune system and wonder about the future. Can I do anything? Well, I can pay closer attention, but beyond that there’s not much I can do. And I guess that’s the problem. I want to be sure that I’ve done everything I possibly can to insure her future health. Is there a test we should do? A diagnosis that explains the cluster of illnesses she’s had? Something dreadful that we’ve missed? No. I’m over-reacting. I hate this feeling though.

I don’t know about the indecision…where is it coming from? The 4th of July weekend is approaching and I feel the need to plan activities or trips or gatherings or festivities. And I don’t feel like planning. So perhaps my indecision is a way to avoid planning and thereby avoid partaking in any activities or trips or gatherings or festivities. Aha! I believe I’m on to something. Rather than fretting about “what are we going to do for the 4th?” I could say we’re hanging out a home. Then when the weekend arrives I could be open to parades, picnics, soccer matches, and so on. Sigh–of relief this time.

About BJ

living the dream in northern Utah
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