thinking about those who struggle

I’d planned to attend the Transgender Day of Remembrance service at the UUCO this evening, but the day got away from me. So we had a family dinner instead, and I lit a candle in memory of those who have died–including a young man who attended OUTreach on Wednesday evenings. He died this week. Ironically the topic for this last week’s session was suicide prevention. I’m not sure if attended that night or not.

As I sit here writing this, I look at my beautiful children, my handsome husband, and my lovable dogs, and feel like the luckiest person alive. I remember when I didn’t feel so lucky though. Those young adult years of angst, of struggling to find myself, to create something meaningful in my life. Why were those years so hard? I had lots of cool things going on: hanging with friends, attending college, playing field hockey and soccer, taking trips to Europe and destinations around the U.S., working in Bryce Canyon, camping, hiking, and moving home with parents who let me stay when I was between places. But I always felt somewhat lost. Perhaps many young adults feel this way. At the time, I thought I was the only one. Everyone else seemed to know exactly what they wanted to do. Some of my friends were married or living with their partners. Many of my high school friends moved away. I now know that Tyler left SLC so that he could be himself. Were there others who lived differently from what their family and friends expected? Unlike Tyler I didn’t need to leave in order to express myself; however, I really floundered around a long time. Then I found a partner and everything seemed to come together 🙂 I am the luckiest person alive.

About BJ

living the dream in northern Utah
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