why I bought a blog

I thought it would compel me to write. Like so many of the accessories and paraphernalia that we buy to surround ourselves with enticements that promise to lure us into that inspirational state (accoutrements). The Mont Blanc pen that begs to be uncapped; the Moleskine notebook that beckons to be opened; the MacBook Pro that blinks to be started. The blog, once purchased, promised to bring me to the table, to the seat, to the place where words begin. Sometimes it works.

During my first sabbatical, the fall of 2008, I started a blog. My first post, September 24, 2008, was brand new day. It announced my intent and described my writing project: something to do with knitting/biography/autobiography/addiction/mom. As the semester progressed, I found the blog kept me accountable to my imaginary audience. I also put out some writing that elicited a few responses. But my commitment to blogging has been inconsistent. I come to it with bursts of energy for a few days and then ignore it for months. I thought the act of purchase jomamabecky.org would seal the commitment. Not so much.

Prior to my second sabbatical, the fall of 2014, I took a class from Debra Monroe at the Taos Writers Conference. I was supposed to submit a bunch of writing and found my self unable to write anything. So I sent in a series of recent blog posts. Fortuitously the workshop helped me discover some threads in my blog that I could weave together into a personal essay. I guess you could say the blog led to my publication success from 2014-2018: Taos and writing.

Since then, however, I’ve fallen away. I post something once a month, if I’m lucky. I could blame it on the menopause, the medication merry-go-around (weaning and Prozac), the death of my dogs (Henry and Bubba), moving, marriage, and a new job but really it’s a matter of priorities. And energy. I’m so tired.

Not much written today–spent most of my time re-reading my “journal” of blog posts, navel-gazing, tripping down memory lane. Perhaps tomorrow will be more fruitful…?

About BJ

living the dream in northern Utah
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