sleep, aging, and other stuff

I’ve got nothing…nothing to say. Plenty to do but nothing to say. Really? Am I simply tired? Certainly that. Switching times–on/off daylight savings–wreaks havoc with my sleep scheduled. No matter how “zen” I try to be about the process, I always stay up too late, wake up too early, and sleep too little. And then I rail at the state legislature that keeps us in this perpetual state of sleepiness. I recognize how powerless I am. My sleep is controlled by politicos–and the cat.

And so I stumble through my days, barely able to open a package of muesli and unable to open a package of coffee. I resort to scissors, to cut off the top of the bag, because the adhesive holding the seal is too strong for me to pry apart. Now I feel weak and elderly. Is this how it happens? First you cannot open the coffee bag, next you cannot prepare a meal for yourself. Slippery slope. And I seem to sliding down it.

I wonder how well the new med is working and whether or not the increased dosage has really helped. Is it the Zoloft? Or is it the hormone patch? Or is it age + menopause + small intestinal bacterial overgrowth (SIBO), which I don’t think the last round of antibiotics actually knocked out. Symptoms: bloating, gas, diarrhea, constipation, nausea, fatigue. The story of my life. When I learned I had SIBO I thought people would think I was contagious. I mean “bacterial overgrowth” does not sound like something you want to get anywhere near. The cure? There really isn’t one. Take some gnarly antibiotics then pump yourself with probiotics. I’ve been drinking the Kefir, but so far no real change. Does the SIBO explain the weight gain? Or is that the menopause, lack of exercise, and drinking? Hm, I wonder.

A piece in the NYT about self-care. How it’s not all bath bombs and candles. It’s really about taking care of the physical, mental, social, and spiritual aspects of yourself. “Treat yo-self.” Ugh. Seems much easier to encourage others to take care of themselves than to nurture the behavior in your own life. Why is that? Easier to see the need in others; easier to find fault with others; easier to see what needs fixing.

Honestly, I’m so tired I don’t think I can write another word or come up with something to think about. I need to process the weird dreams I’ve been having. Maybe tomorrow???

About BJ

living the dream in northern Utah
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