BJ's Blog

I can’t believe it’s been 3 weeks since I’ve written anything here. Reasons? Lots of reading and grading. Maggie and I took a trip to Great Basin, which was awesome. We somehow snagged the very last campsite in the upper campground ~10,000 feet. It was lovely there–beyond cell phone service, nestled in the pine trees, Clark’s nutcrackers squawking, and deer wandering through the camp.

We explored Lehman Caves and hiked several trails near Wheeler Peak.

It was hard to return to the mid 90s of the Wasatch Front.

Not the usual holiday weekend. Usually, I’m someplace else: Torrey, Taos, or at least Huntsville for a parade then a BBQ and fireworks. This year, Jake went to Torrey with my folks and the rest of us stayed home. S has been seeing a hospice patient every morning and sometimes afternoon. Maggie wasn’t feeling well–headaches and fatigue–so we thought it best to keep her here. I had gobs of reading to do; however, I finished the library discussion book yesterday–a full 3 days before I talk about it!–and now have time to grade papers for my class. It was a fortuitous weekend to stay home as I got to watch two World Cup soccer matches, see the men’s Wimbledon final, hike and play tennis with Maggie, observe S as he works through the passing of a patient, and visit Brooke with Jake and Mom.

This last event was something I’ve been meaning to do for a long time. Brooke’s been hospitalized at one place or another since November of 2008 and I’d yet to see him.  When I said “I should have come sooner” Peggy assured me that they don’t do “should’s here.” Yes, but…. Anyway, I’m glad I finally made it to Brooke’s room at South Davis. It was so good to hear his voice and listen to him breath. He’s been 19 days off the vent, breathing with the assistance of the diaphragmatic pacer he had installed in April. Still, he’s down. Who wouldn’t be? I hope he can make it home and move on to that next adventure.

And it’s hot. Time to get all of the outdoor activities done early. Sigh. But it’s not a bad thing for keeping me indoors–or at least on the patio–reading and grading.

For some reason I’m wracked with feelings of indecision and dread. What do they mean? Yesterday, I thought they meant that I needed to pay closer attention to my daughter’s health: I’d gone off to yoga and left her huddled under 3 blankets in the basement watching a movie with Jake. She’d seemed hungry and thirsty after tennis so I imagined that she just needed re-charging. When I came home she was asleep, which wasn’t too strange–she’s been getting up early this week and Maggie needs more sleep than Jake–so I let her sleep. However, when she woke up I discovered that she had a fever (102) and panicked. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve taken her to the doctor, just since January, and she’s been sick so much: scarlet fever, strep, mono, and now this fever. So I hauled her off to the doctor, called my brother the pediatrician, and my mom the pediatric nurse practitioner. Everyone reassured me that she just had a virus and that it would run its course. Still, I worry about her poor depressed immune system and wonder about the future. Can I do anything? Well, I can pay closer attention, but beyond that there’s not much I can do. And I guess that’s the problem. I want to be sure that I’ve done everything I possibly can to insure her future health. Is there a test we should do? A diagnosis that explains the cluster of illnesses she’s had? Something dreadful that we’ve missed? No. I’m over-reacting. I hate this feeling though.

I don’t know about the indecision…where is it coming from? The 4th of July weekend is approaching and I feel the need to plan activities or trips or gatherings or festivities. And I don’t feel like planning. So perhaps my indecision is a way to avoid planning and thereby avoid partaking in any activities or trips or gatherings or festivities. Aha! I believe I’m on to something. Rather than fretting about “what are we going to do for the 4th?” I could say we’re hanging out a home. Then when the weekend arrives I could be open to parades, picnics, soccer matches, and so on. Sigh–of relief this time.

It seemed overwhelming last Sunday when I was madly reading Whitman and Dickinson for the first day of class. Now, I’m warmed up and enjoying the reading and preparation of James, Howells, Jewett, and Freeman for Monday. It’s fun re-learning about this time-period and leading lively discussions with students who are clearly excited about literature. Last time I taught a class like this–spring of 1997–I had a lousy experience. Not sure if it was my position at that stage in my life: an associate instructor who’d just finished graduate school, a recently married woman, a brand new technical writer, and, by the end of the semester, pregnant. Lots of new stuff going on. Also, I had high expectations for this class, which should have been the ultimate teaching experience–everything I’d worked so hard for. I guess it’s not surprising that the class couldn’t live up to my expectations. Everything seemed to devolve into a debate about male versus female writers and men versus women. Now I come into the classroom with much fewer personal agendas. That’s a much more comfortable place to be. Perhaps marriage, parenthood, tenure, and time have played a role in “growing me up.” I like to think so.

Apart from teaching, it’s been a wild week. I found out that Aunt Mary had a cancerous lump removed from her breast on Thursday.

She sounds like she’s doing well and they’re hoping for a good outcome. Still, it’s shocking news and I’m not sure I’ve completely absorbed the fact. I’m proud of her for being so optimistic and eager to get on with her daily activities. These qualities should help her heal more quickly.

Starting yesterday, when I’d planned to get so much reading done, I started feeling pooky–some kind of stomach bug. I’d planned on attending TEAM HOPE in SLC today, but hopefully I can catch some of the conference tomorrow morning instead.

On Sunday, I madly prepped for my first American Lit class, which met yesterday, and crammed in some time with fathers. Crazy entry to the week. And now I must settle down to daily reading and work. Lovely weather makes me want to hike instead. Or read the third Stieg Larsson book rather than Mark Twain or Osa Johnson. Still, I’m lucky to have to make such choices: reading or reading. Ha!

Great day at OMSI with Jake yesterday. Then some play-time with the boys at the playground. Busy little guys! Unbelievable USA game with Slovenia…lots of controversy about the recalled goal. Today we’ll check out Voodoo Doughnut then get ready to leave 😦

Rainy, cool…much like the weather’s been back home! Jake and I arrived yesterday morning and spent the day with the boys and Katy and later Shelley: shopping at Powell’s, eating, walking, hot-tubbing, and playing Texas hold-em, which I won 🙂 First time playing it too. Today we got a nice window of “no rain” and went to the zoo. On the way back, Jake and I stopped at Fred Meyer for snacks (I miss the one we used to have in Ogden) and Grand Central Bakery for pastries and coffee. Yum. In-between, we’ve been catching some World Cup action and I’ve been trying to stay awake 😉 It’s been an awesome vacation though–truly a break from everything I normally do–need to do?–to prep for teaching. And I love hanging out with my sister and sister-in-law. They rock.

Sometime in the night it started blowing like crazy. We put pillows over our heads and hunkered in for more sleep, but when we got up (~9, since we’re trying to cherish these mornings when we actually can sleep in) the winds continued. And they’re persisting–at 55 mph! All of the windows S cleaned are splattered with rain. Branches are down. Fortunately we haven’t lost electricity (yet) and we hadn’t planned any outdoor activities for today. Poor folks trying to ride in the Tour de Cure, to sell wares at the SLC Farmer’s Market, to show art at the Ogden Arts Festival. Yesterday, S and I snuck in a hike before the rains began. Then it rained all day. Slow start to summer I guess.

So far we’ve found plenty of rainy day activities. Jake and I went to campus yesterday: did some stuff in my office, looked into Windows 7 at the Bookstore, and checked out Tolkien books in the library. Those should give Jake plenty of reading for the summer 🙂 My class is pretty much ready to go…I just need to come up with reading response topics. Last night, S and I celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary with dinner at Rickenbacker’s. Excellent food and venue. I highly recommend it. Then we watched “Whip It” with Ellen Page. Funny, if rough in spots. Today, we have World Cup soccer, baking, laundry, and plenty of reading material. Tonight I have a dinner for OUTreach at Catherine’s house. Tomorrow is choir rehearsal, church, and Bowling for  the Bassets. Monday will be cleaning and prepping for bookgroup, which is meeting here. Tuesday will be readying for Portland. And there it is–my life laid out in a tidy little list.

I just haven’t had time to post much here. Monday morning I realized that I only had 2 weeks left to get all of the projects I wanted done before my summer semester starts. Eek! So I’ve been madly weeding, cleaning, sorting, shopping, etc. And of course I’ve put off reading the library discussion book until the last few days–finally started yesterday. Today and tomorrow will be a mad dash to finish the book and prep for the meeting Thursday night. I’ve also been on call for the Red Cross, which always add a certain amount of stress to my evenings/nights/weekends. Last night we met at the West Point fire station where we got a lesson on using fire extinguishers and took turns putting out a fire 🙂 I’ve never used one before–it’s easier than it seems. Today is racing kids around to various activities: golf (Jake) and high adventure kids’ camp (Maggie). I decided to postpone taking the iMac to SLC until Jake and I return from Portland. It’s developed a couple of vertical lines on the left side of the screen. This seems to be a problem that’s effected other iMacs of that era 😦 Not sure what Apple will do, but I’ll take it in later. Meanwhile, we can celebrate the new toilet in the bathroom by the kitchen and clean rooms, patio, and yard.

I rested my elbow yesterday and it feels much better. Yay! And I’ve been wearing the tennis elbow brace while knitting, weeding, and cleaning. Maybe there’s hope.

Finished Mankell’s Faceless Killers the other day. I really enjoy the Wallander books and would love to read the rest of the series, but I met with the woman at Pleasant Valley Library who gave me the book I need to read/discuss this Thursday: Tracks. She also gave me the book for July, I Married Adventure: The Lives of Martin and Osa Johnson, which is long. So in addition to prepping for my American Lit class, I need to race through these books. Not much time for leisure reading..in spite of the fact that I received the The Girl Who Kicked the Hornets’ Nest. So tempting! Perhaps I can take that one to Portland 🙂